Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
