Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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