Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
