ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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