Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
