Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
