Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
