Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
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YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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