Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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