God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
