I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
