so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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