so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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