i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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