I bet he comes in French.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I think I sprained my soul last night
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
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