Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
