Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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