Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
