I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
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As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
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It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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