how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Semen is not good for contacts.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
