According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
