he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
im holly from the hills drunk
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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