i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
