didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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