How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
