Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
