Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
