i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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