it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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