We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
