Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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