this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
