in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
