READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
