All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
