I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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