I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
