just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
