Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
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i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
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I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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