sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
