Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
it's great music for shaving your balls
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
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i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
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it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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