i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
It's Friday. Sex?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
