I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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