I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
