So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Randomize
