when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You're earring is so big in my mouth
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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