I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
