she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
