Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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