It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
