Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
