He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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