I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
