I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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