I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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