I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Randomize
