and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
