I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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