Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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