She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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