So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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