So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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