ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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