yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
